don’t u know that ur toxic

Thank you for having that smile in which the sunshine bounced off your teeth even on the cloudiest of days. Thank you for having an incredible laugh. For laughing at the littlest of things. It was contagious.It was cute as hell. Thank you for your sense of humor that matched mine. And your audacious vibe you let off whenever I heard words slip from your mouth. The way you would leave me hanging on my toes with everything you said, even as simple as “hello”. Thank you for showing me what it is like to laugh again, to truly laugh again. Thank you for trying not to show your nerves (but I could still sense them anyways-the feeling was mutual). Thank you for making something as simple as walking out my front door in the dirtiest pink flip flops seem like an incredible, magical fantasy. And for being there with me when I was completely and utterly falling apart. It’s funny how much a five-second snapchat or a jar of peanut butter and new adventures can transform into such magical things. And it’s funny how quickly those can be ripped right out of your hands, with all extraordinary qualities left to disappear. And with that, thank you to MYSELF from MYSELF for continuing to breathe, even when it feels like there’s no air. For learning that those who truly care for me will stay. For learning to remove the toxic people in my life in order to make my dreams a reality.

Thank you, self

xo, maddy

gaining hope

Gaining hope to gain my life back, to step away from doubts. I did not come this far to only come this far. Goal setting for a future of nourishing & flourishing

  • To be one of those people who, when you look at, their eyes sparkle and they are simply a ray of sunshine. You see them and suddenly feel a little bit happier, a little more inspired. And they look back at you with warmth in their eyes and a smile that could turn any frown upside down. To be able to transfer this light onto anyone that crosses my path and sprinkle little bits of serenity everywhere I go.
  • To do what I love. To help others achieve their goals and work towards gaining the life they’ve dreamed of. Help them do what they’re passionate about and watch that blossom. To turn struggle into something beautiful.
  • To take risks and distance myself from fears. Never allow myself to become too comfortable to the point of feeling stuck. Thrive, not just survive.
  • To remember that I am worthy. Worthy of staying on this earth, being a part of this life, simply just..living. To look myself in the mirror with a smile knowing this is a girl that can make your heart soft and eyes glisten . That I may get insecure and doubtful, but I have the power to light up your day if you allow me to. That although I may not allow you to talk to me before I get my breakfast (let’s be real, who really does), I will listen to your stories for hours on end. That I have things to offer.

So cheers to working towards a peace of mind, to learning to hold onto hope, no matter what storms may come my way.

xo, maddy

18 things I’ve learned before turning 18

1.)Other people are not the answer. Don’t seek your worth in others, don’t place you’re worth in their hands. You may think they help bring you peace and leave you happy-which they might-but in the end, it’s up to you. Be able to love yourself even if they weren’t a part of your life.

2.) The longer you put things off, the more time you get taken away from being able to live. Stop telling yourself “I’ll start tomorrow” “I promise I’ll do it for real this time”. Life is happening now. You deserve to be a part of it.
3.) Do what you love. Wake up wanting to jump out of bed. Blast your favorite song and dance around the kitchen. Find your passion. Take pride in it. Look forward to Mondays. Cultivate what you love and light your soul on fire. Never stop working towards living your dream.
4.) Grow. Develop. Flourish. Never stop. Work towards what you want to achieve and don’t allow your mind to build barriers.
5.) It’s okay to have bad days. You’re allowed to cry. Cry your eyes out and hug a teddy bear, if necessary. Some days just suck. But bad days build better days. Keep going.
6.) Some people just aren’t meant to be in your life. Step away from the toxic environment, even if it’s incredibly hard. Accept that some people are only temporary. It’s unfair, it hurts. But you deserve to be surrounded by people who truly care about you and won’t abandon you.
7.) If something scares you, do it.
8.) Spontaneity is a wonderful thing. Ride your bike around town and end up getting lost in the woods. Go out to dinner and eat something you never would have imagined yourself eating. Throw cookies in mailboxes and always say yes to new adventures.
9.) It’s okay to reach out for help. It’s okay to need support. You are not expected to be 100% all the time. Self growth is not a linear process.
10.) Do not let anybody determine who you are. No one can tell you your level of intellegence, what you should wear, what you should do with your life. You are in the drivers eat. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.
11.) Change is unavoidable. It’s scary. It’s intimidating. But don’t fear it. You may be about to live the best moment of your life to date.
12.) Your body is an incredible thing. Treat it with  respect and it will respect you back. Learn to trust it, to listen to its needs. Appreciate all the unbelievable things your body is capable of. Think about those things when you’re feeling down in it.
13.) Learn to say no. Say no to the things that have hurt you, to the jobs you hate, the people that make your eyes water.
14.) The most important relationship you have is the one with yourself. So make it a good one. Love yourself (cliche, sorry). Never belittle yourself. You are worthy. You are amazing. You are a part of this world and make an impact. Never forget that.
15.) It’s better to have regrets than “what ifs”. Take chances. You may just have the time of your life.
16.) Making others smile will never fail to make you smile as well. Sprinkle kindness wherever you go. Leave everyone a little bit happier than when you met them.
17.) There are people that care, people that want to look out for you. Listen to them, trust them. Sometimes your own vision gets clouded when you get blinded by emotions.
18.) Do not waste your time trying to explain yourself to someone committed to misunderstanding you. Anyone who doubts you is not a real friend. Learn to let these toxic people pass through life like a summer breeze, not a ravenous storm.
Cheers to 17 1/2 years of life, and what the 18th will bring.
xo, maddy

When Your World Falls Apart

It’s been one of those weeks when you start off jumping out of bed, singing your favorite songs even though its 5 in the morning, ready to tackle the day and sprinkle kindness where you go. Untillllll we reached Friday. Ever since then the days have been piling up with negativity and heading in a downward spiral to the land of no where.

What’s important to remind ourselves in these situations is that 1. They will come to an end 2. Keep fighting. I know it may seem impossible, like everyone is against you, like your whole world is crashing down right before you eyes. However I need you to keep holding on.

Letter to those who are having a rough day or week or month like myself:

I am so unbelievably proud of you. Every day you get out of bed even though all you want to do is stay under the covers. Every day you take a shower, get dressed, put food in your body, and leave the safety of your home for the chaos of this world.

To me, that’s a profound act of bravery. You are choosing to live despite your tiredness, hopelessness, and brokenness provoked by the weeks events. You cling to the light instead of the dark. You leave your comfort zone every day for the unknown.

I’m proud of you. I hope you are proud of you. I hope you know how those seemingly little acts of courage are really the greatest moments of bravery. I hope that you will continue to rise each day and live your life, no matter what turmoil comes your way.

So thank you for living. Thank you for staying. Thank you for fighting. For trying. Thank you for being in this world with me. Thank you for holding on when you want to let go.

Thank you for trusting in tomorrow.

Because you have the power to make tomorrow a better day.

-Maddy

TO YOU

Dear extraordinary human being,

I just want to let you know that you are capable of tackling whatever challenges you may be facing, or any walls that may come your way. You are courageous and brave and can live this life full of light from the inside out, illuminating everything and everyone in your path.

I know what you’re  thinking, “How am I supposed to believe any of what you’re saying?” I know its not easy to think positively about yourself, to stay true to your soul. Sometimes there will be days when we want to do what everyone else is doing and forget about our own path.

But if every daisy in the garden spent their Friday nights coating themselves in red in order to look like the roses, would the garden still be its spunky, colorful, calming self it was with a variety of Screen Shot 2015-08-14 at 1.05.15 PMdifferent kinds of flowers that brought so much into the blank slate it used to be?

You are a priceless, authentic, unimaginably marvelous person..no one has ever been like you and no one ever will be. You are worth more than you can ever know.

It is time you are able to hear this, to recognize the fact that you  are loved unconditionally, full of kindness and forgiveness. Today, let go of shame. Let go of every ounce of whatever is holding you back from allowing those unique eyes of yours to see how wonderful you truly are. It is time.

You are so very loved,

xo, maddy

WHEN YOU’RE STRUGGLING

To anyone out there struggling-

it gets better. There are hard moments, moments where you will want to stop completely. But keep. on. going. In the future you’ll look back and be so damn proud of yourself for the fact that you marched right through those negative thoughts and made it through yet another day despite the whispers in your ears telling you to end it all.

You’ll be extraordinarily happy you kept going. You get a glimpse of life again. And life simply becomes..LIFE. Not days passing by surrounded by that burning sensation in your heart. You’re able to live. Explore. Have fun. Meet new people.

I cannot express how grateful I am for those who have helped me and continue to help me along this journey. I am beginning to have a glimpse of what true living is and that has an infinite value

So hang in there, my dear. It will be worth it. Recovery is worth it.


“Close your eyes and imagine the best version of you possible. That is who you really are. Let go of any part of you that doesn’t believe it.” C. Assaad

Believing

You have to believe in yourself. You have to. And if you don’t, you need someone with you that does. It’s that simple. If you can find someone that will believe in you when you don’t, then you’ve got a chance to be great. But, you can’t accomplish anything unless there is someone that looks at you and sees possibilities, sees potential. Preferably that person is you. But we all have doubts. We all get weak. We all get afraid.

At those moments, your someone is there.

At those moments, your someone believed.

Believes.

Make sure you let them know that you appreciate them and realize that so many extraordinary things in your life would not have become reality without them.


Thank you to all the many friends I have met along this journey who have been there for me, believing in me when I was incapable of doing so myself. Thank you for convincing me to eat, when my mind took over and my body was too weak to tell me to do so. Thank you for comforting me in the late hours of the night persuading me to keep on fighting, to go just one more day. And repeating that to me day after day. Thank you for the encouraging words you spoke to me even when you knew they were exactly what I didn’t want to hear.

Thank you for everything.

Setting Up For Success – rid the mind of failure

set yourself up and rid the mind of failure. You are capable of far more than you allow yourself to believe. I guarantee you that.

“But why even try? Why try when I’m 99.9% sure I’m going to fail? Why bother setting myself for failure?”

“Because it’s there” -George Mallory to the NY Times when asked his reason as to climbing Mt Everest. The mountain had yet to be conquered. To reach the top had been thought by many to be impossible.

So, why do it? Valid question, right? Especially when one could spend their days chasing other dreams like wealth or their job or developing a life free of great challenges all together.

Life can not only be a challenge- life is a challenge. Look around you. Look inside you. Challenges as great as tackling Everest are every where.

So, why should you even bother with these challenges? Why should you try to break through these walls others set upon you? Why try to climb these impossible challenges?

Because they are there.

Challenge those thoughts of doubt. Convince your mind otherwise. What about that .1% chance that you will succeed?

SUCCESS?????

I know, such a foreign concept in the world of negativity. But what will you know you can accomplish if you don’t even try? If you consistently tell yourself you are incapable of reaching your goal, how on earth are you ever supposed to reach it?

Go out and explore. Do things to help you reach your goals. HelI, go out and reach for the stars. I challenge you.

WHAT DOES CHANGE MEAN TO YOU?

Yesterday always inspires today. Today always inspires tomorrow,

And I love that.

If we’re really trying to get better, be better, live better, than we have previously agreed that we are indeed trying to-and are okay with-change. Change can be scary. It demands adjustments. It demands that we step outside of our comfort zone, becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable. Change isn’t easy. It’s far simpler to only have one answer, allow no second pursuits, write your schedule in pen instead of pencil.

But no one is expecting easy here. You are looking for change.

Maybe you’re excited. Maybe you’re scared. Scared it may hurt. Excited it may not.

Picture yourself stronger, braver, tougher, more extraordinary than your previous self. Learn not to fear your surroundings. Never fear them. Respect the challenges others offer throughout your exploration. Allow your competitors to inspire you. Inspire you to teach things they can reach. Inspire you to prove them wrong. Prove everybody wrong. Defy your own limits.

Positive change is powerfully admirable.  Admirableness is remarkably contagious. Once others see your former self fading and transforming into this newer, braver, peaceful human being fulfilled with life and opportunities, they will be reflected back with your positivity. Be the change. Conquer the world.

Becoming Vulnerable-Let Go of Fear of Rejection

Allow yourself to become vulnerable. Let yourself be hurt or sad or angry. I give you permission to not be a rainbow-colored diamond-studded unicorn with sprinkles and a pot of gold all the time. Life is hard. You’re allowed to feel, have a shitty mood or shitty week or shitty month or be pissed the fck off. You’re growing. You’re putting yourself out there. You were plunged into something and didn’t allow yourself to cave into the pessimistic thoughts and/or actions. It’s easy to give up. And you didn’t. Be proud of that.

You stepped out of your comfort zone, and although you may have not gotten the results you were expecting, at least you know you tried. Do you know how many people don’t even try? I would rather risk my vulnerability, even with that rejection staring right at me, than know I simply sat back and didn’t attempt anything.

Maybe you’ve gone to your friends, asking them what to say in your stuck situation. They’ll hand you a band-aid to smother on your wounds so you can feel momentarily soothed. Maybe you take yet another risk, trying to dig a little deeper. Maybe then you end up only to find yourself sunken deeper into that black hole of loneliness.

But, my dear friend, let me tell you. You are meant to feel. We live in a world full of feeling, although it may seem those feelings are only positive. However, i can assure you we were born to be bitter, heartbroken, frustrated, feeling like you want to give up and end it all. Engage in conversations that fire you up. Release that envy, that malevolence, that apathy. This, is when you’ll grow. This is when you’ll heal. Grow out of who you used to be. Don’t settle for someone else’s stubbornness to dictate your freedom.

Allow yourself to become unprotected, sensitive. Spend your friday night crying into your pillow case. Let yourself be wrong. Don’t live with the thought of having to maintain this constant feeling of happiness and virtue every damn day. Some situations, people, places, things..will bring you down. And what do you do from there? Let yourself feel. This is where you’ll branch out and grow, grow, grow.

Life is a process. We have difficult times for a reason. Don’t let them be washed away.